Imagine a common scene: a playdate is in full swing, toys are scattered, and laughter fills the air. Suddenly, a desired toy is spotted, and a little voice cries out, “I want that!” What often follows is a momentary freeze, sometimes leading to tears, frustration, or a firm refusal. This scenario, so beautifully yet simply depicted in the ‘I Want That | Share It Please’ video above, captures a universal moment in early childhood development. The journey of teaching young children about sharing is often observed to be filled with patience and gentle guidance.
For parents and caregivers, these moments are not just about who gets to play with which toy. They are profound opportunities for social and emotional learning. Guiding children through the intricate dance of wanting, asking, and ultimately sharing is considered to be one of the foundational lessons in building empathy and cooperation. It is a process that typically requires understanding why sharing can be so challenging for little ones and employing strategies that nurture their developing social skills.
Understanding Why Sharing Feels So Hard for Toddlers and Preschoolers
It is often wondered why such a seemingly simple concept as sharing can evoke such strong reactions in young children. The truth is that sharing is a complex skill, and for toddlers and preschoolers, several developmental factors are at play, making it inherently difficult.
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Egocentrism is a Natural Stage
During the early years, children are often understood to view the world primarily from their own perspective. This egocentrism means they struggle to grasp that others have different desires, needs, or feelings. When a child says “I want that,” it is truly how their world is perceived at that moment.
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A Strong Sense of Ownership is Developing
For a young child, a toy often represents an extension of themselves. When something is taken away or requested, it can be felt as a personal loss or even a threat. The concept of “mine” is typically developed much earlier than “ours” or “yours,” and this attachment is quite normal.
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Impulse Control is Still in Its Infancy
The part of the brain responsible for impulse control is still maturing in young children. This means that when they want something, the urge can be incredibly powerful and difficult to resist. Waiting for a turn or relinquishing an item often feels nearly impossible.
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Communication Skills are Limited
Sometimes, a child’s inability to share is merely a reflection of their undeveloped communication skills. Frustration can be expressed through grabbing or crying because the words needed to negotiate or express feelings are not yet fully formed.
Therefore, when a child struggles with sharing, it is not usually an act of malice but rather a stage of development being navigated. Patience and understanding are key tools for parents.
Gentle Strategies to Encourage Sharing and Turn-Taking
While the video above offers a heartwarming example of one child offering comfort and items, the actual act of teaching and fostering sharing skills can be approached through several intentional methods. A supportive environment can be created where sharing is a positive experience rather than a battle.
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Model Sharing Behavior
Children are known to learn by observing. When parents and caregivers consistently model sharing—whether it’s sharing a snack, a book, or even their attention—valuable lessons are typically absorbed. This shows that sharing is a natural and positive part of daily life. For instance, imagine saying, “Would you like some of my apple? We can share it!”
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Use Positive Reinforcement
When a child does share, even in a small way, this behavior is often acknowledged and praised. Specific praise, such as “It was very kind of you to share your bubbles with your friend,” is usually more effective than general praise like “Good job.” This helps reinforce the desired action.
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Facilitate Turn-Taking
Instead of demanding immediate sharing, the concept of turn-taking can be introduced. A timer might be used, or a visual cue, to indicate when it’s one child’s turn and then another’s. This helps children understand that they will get their item back, reducing anxiety. For example, “It’s your turn with the car for five minutes, then it will be your friend’s turn.”
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Provide Duplicates of Highly Desired Toys
For toys that are consistently fought over, having a duplicate can sometimes prevent conflicts, especially during early stages of social learning. While not always possible, it can be a useful strategy to ease children into group play without constant battles over a single item.
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Narrate and Validate Feelings
When a child is reluctant to share, their feelings are often acknowledged. Statements like, “I see you really want that lollipop, and it’s hard to wait for your turn,” can validate their emotions while still setting expectations. This helps them feel understood, making them more receptive to guidance.
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Create “Special” or “Personal” Toy Boxes
A few beloved items can be set aside that do not need to be shared. These can be stored away during playdates or times when sharing is expected. This teaches children that while many things are shared, some personal boundaries are also respected.
Beyond Simply ‘Giving Up’: Cultivating True Empathy
The act of sharing is often more than just physically handing over an item. It is also an important pathway to developing empathy—the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. In the video, when “Baby, baby, please don’t cry” is uttered, it represents a crucial moment of recognizing another’s distress.
Building Empathy Through Sharing Experiences
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Discussing Feelings: When a child sees another child upset because a toy isn’t being shared, this is often used as a teachable moment. Asking questions like, “How do you think your friend feels when they can’t play with the car?” or “Remember how you felt when you wanted the bubbles?” can help connect actions to consequences and foster an understanding of others’ emotions.
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Problem-Solving Together: Instead of dictating sharing, children can be involved in finding solutions. “How can we both get to play with the train?” encourages cooperation and creative thinking. Solutions might be discovered, such as one child playing with the engine while the other plays with the caboose.
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Celebrating Cooperation: When children find a way to play together or share, it is often highlighted. Pointing out how much more fun they are having when cooperating can reinforce the positive aspects of collaborative play.
The goal is to move beyond mere compliance to a genuine understanding that sharing can lead to more fun, fewer tears, and stronger friendships. This foundational skill of sharing paves the way for complex social interactions encountered throughout life.
Navigating Common Challenges When Teaching Sharing
Even with the best intentions and strategies, challenges are often met when teaching sharing. It is not a skill that is learned overnight; rather, it typically develops gradually with consistent support.
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When a Child Refuses to Share
If a child adamantly refuses to share a particular toy, battles are sometimes avoided. Instead, the focus can be shifted to redirecting attention or offering alternatives. For example, “It looks like you’re not ready to share your car right now. Maybe we can find another toy for your friend to play with, or you can play with the car in another room for a bit?” This respects their boundary while still addressing the other child’s desire.
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Dealing with Grabbing and Snatching
When a child grabs a toy from another, immediate intervention is usually required. Calmly, the toy can be returned to the original owner with an explanation such as, “We need to use our gentle hands and ask for toys.” Then, guidance can be provided on how to ask for a turn.
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The Importance of Consistency
All caregivers involved in a child’s life are often encouraged to be consistent in their approach to sharing. Mixed messages can confuse a child and slow the learning process. Clear, simple rules, consistently applied, are generally most effective.
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Age-Appropriate Expectations
It is important that expectations are adjusted according to a child’s developmental stage. A 2-year-old typically has a much harder time with sharing than a 4-year-old. Patience and understanding that this skill develops over time are crucial.
The lessons derived from nursery rhymes, much like the one featured above, often serve as gentle reminders of fundamental truths: a little empathy, a willingness to give, and an understanding of another’s feelings can transform tears into smiles. Through consistent modeling, gentle guidance, and age-appropriate expectations, children are gradually empowered to master the invaluable life skill of sharing, contributing to a more harmonious play environment and stronger social bonds.
What Do YOU Want to Know? Let’s Share the NuNu Answers!
What is this article about?
This article explains why sharing can be difficult for young children and offers gentle strategies for parents and caregivers to teach this important social skill.
Why do toddlers and preschoolers struggle with sharing?
Young children often struggle with sharing because they view the world from their own perspective, develop a strong sense of ownership, and have limited impulse control and communication skills.
What are some simple ways to encourage sharing in young children?
You can model sharing behavior yourself, praise your child when they do share, and introduce turn-taking using a timer or visual cues.
Beyond just giving up a toy, what larger skill does sharing help develop?
Sharing helps children develop empathy, which is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others, leading to better social interactions and stronger friendships.
